There is a beginning and there is an end, but at the end of the day there is always the option of starting all over again. I’ve done this time and time again for countless weeks. I’ve gotten stuck in my own head and thoughts trying to figure what I will do next. Somedays I really can’t figure it out and other days, its clear to see in some cases.
So its been over a year since my injury and over a year since my operation as well to get my heels repaired. The comparisons are strong in terms of different things. Am I still going through hell in some cases? Well the answer is yes. I hate that I feel like I lost multiple pieces of me that day. But, as much as I hate to say it I did.
Before the injury I was always a daredevil and always careful while being said daredevil. I did stupid stuff but I knew my limits and when to not do something that was going to hurt me horribly in the end. This time, I didn’t think of all the options, didn’t think of every possible outcome and the end result? Well that landed me flat on my back and left me numb in both feet and legs.
Looking back on it, maybe just maybe I should’ve just sat on that roof and just waited and waited for someone to get a ladder. Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped and maybe right now I would be able to provide for the family that I helped created, provide for this beautiful little girl, provide for my wife who now works her ass off to make ends meet.
The reality is I feel all I did was mess everything up and as sad as it is for me to say that, that’s just how I see it. My wife doesn’t necessarily see it that way because she was there and saw me laying on the porch and was with me through it all. I know inside it broke her more to see me laid up on the couch for weeks and in that much pain.
Even though all this took place she stood by me. She didn’t say “No, I can’t do this” like some have to friends that I know and she didn’t leave. She stayed, she helped me and got me from point A to point B. My mother was a godsend in all of this too. Two people that are irreplaceable in my life.
I was at Physical Therapy for damn near a year working my ass off to make things work again. I pushed myself a little more almost every time that I went there. Sometimes I went a little too hard in the pain and strained my muscles/tendons and irritated the hell out of them. But, when you’ve got the hunger to push through and keep going and make yourself better. Well, you just end up doing whatever it takes.
‘All the while of pushing and striving to be back on my feet, I made so many new friends, met alot of new faces as well. So all of those I worked with and had in my corner through all of this, thank you from the depths of my heart. You guys are true heroes each and everyday you get to live that life. Taking care of people, being there for them, helping make them get back on that road to being better.
This was a time of my life that led me into a dark time, a dark place. Each day of my life that I live, I have always stood by the fact that I want to help people and I would put myself always on that back burner just to see someone else smile and be happy. That’s what you guys do every single day. You guys work hard to see people progress and get back on their feet, legs, etc.
The world needs more of that, and on top of that, the way you guys fluidly work together makes it even better. So lets take a moment and be real here, Amy, Lorraine, Allan, LaRue, Nikki, Paul, Kevin, Josh, Vince, and everyone else that I may not have gotten to be around much. Thank you for all of your support and pushes.
You ladies and gents have made a dark time that was hard and rough for me, so much easier to deal with. Sometimes I felt like I had no one cause that’s the crock of bullshit the darkness would feed me that specific day. But, I quickly learned because of you all that whatever the dark spoke that day, wasn’t true.
All of you truly were and forever will be, a second family too me. It’s taken me awhile to write all of this out because I wasn’t sure where to start, how to say things or go about my feelings. I know at least one of you is going to tear up reading this, hell I know I am, just thinking about it all.
So I have to say I appreciate all the conversations that I had with each of you, all the laughs and the fun that was oriented into the program. I hope I was able to bring the joyfulness and laughter right back to all of you as well. Lord knows I tried to be entertaining even on my bad days.
Lets just put it this way, Amy is like a second mother, Nikki is the sister I never had, Allan is a father role model that sadly I wish my dad could be but the majority of the time isn’t. Josh and Vince are like the two brothers that you can talk to about things and crack jokes on eachother. Paul in a way reminds me of myself when he’s reserved and too himself sometimes.
Lorraine and LaRue are like older sisters to me. The ones who look out for you in any situation possible and make sure you’re ok. Either way ever played a role in making my time at Physical Therapy feel amazing and feel smooth. As many compliments as you all gave me, there’s so many things I could say to you all.
The day that I chose to end Physical Therapy was a tough one cause I didn’t get the time and chance to address you all either personally or as a whole. It was a busy day and everyone was rushing around as per usual. But, I still remember the promise I made and I plan to keep it.
When this COVID-19 crap dies down a bit and things become a bit more normal, I do want to come back and visit. I want Lilly to be there and I am sure my wife would have things to say in terms of the care you all gave me. Man…I didn’t think writing all this would hit me so hard.
But, I am stuck here tryin’ to be strong and hold back the tears cause I don’t want the wife or daughter to see. Usually it takes alot for me to tear up or cry. But recently its just become easier, I don’t know if that’s because I am simply tired of holding back or holding in.
But even through it all I am back to probably I would gander to say 95% walking. I still can’t walk for long periods at a time, I am still afraid to try running more than I have in the past year. Usually I will if something alarms me or something happens to Lilly or Alyssa.
I’m still taking it day to day in hopes that I will get all the feeling back in my right foot. Also hoping the day comes where I will be able to walk for longer periods of time. I hate how my body now has restraints on me but I guess I can’t turn back time and make sure it never happened. It’s too little too late, all I can do is be thankful that I am even walking after all of that.
Either way, to each of you that I met at Physical Therapy, I love you all. I miss you second family. Thank you for everything you all do for so many people that come there seeking help to get back on their feet, or move their arms, or rotate their hips or whatever else possible comes that way. You all are heroes in my eyes, and you all are my miracles.
I just can’t say thank you enough because you all helped me so much along the way. I think now I can continue doing what I do best and that’s doing for others and being selfless towards myself as I usually do. I just hope that I left a long last impression on you all and a good mark on your hearts.
I love you all, May we meet again!
~Zeb
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This is my story.... 