I had to put a lot of thought into how I wanted to “surprise” my wife since finances are tight and things are stressful. I can’t do the normal things that Husbands and Wives do simply due to what I stated above, but I can try. Fact of the matter is things have been so crazy over the past few years. Not just in my life but my Wife as well.
But, this isn’t going to be a sob story or a feel bad for us post no, this is going to be a special open letter to my wife who I feel deserves something special. Something that is more meaningful than just materialist things. Something more than just me saying “I love you” or “You’re beautiful and I hope you believe it” or me doing things around the house or working hard to build a better life for us.
So I guess I should get this thing started right? Right. Fair enough so lets get into it shall we?
You struggle everyday with Anxiety
I know you struggle and sometimes I don’t see how hard you struggle but sometimes I do and I can’t always be there to help cause sometimes you’re out and about or at work or I am at work. But, one thing is I always try to do the best I can and be the best I can for you. I try to be strong whenever you are incapable of doing so because you feel like you’ve got the worlds weight on your shoulders.
Fact of the matter is I love you and deep down inside I know that you know, that you’re beautiful inside and out. I also know that you know, that you’re very loved and very blessed. Whether that be by me and Lilly or family in general whether that be my family or your own. The thing is I just wish there was more than I could do to help your everyday living improve.
If I could snap my fingers and make the anxiety disappear I would but, unfortunately this cruel mistress of a world doesn’t work like that. But know this one thing, no matter how hard things get for you internally, I will do whatever it takes to be your stronghold. I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you’re taken care of.
Sometimes I will fail and fall short because of course I am only human, but then again there will be times where I go above and beyond. Yes sometimes I get frustrated when I don’t hear you say thank you, but deep inside I know you are thankful. The words may not come out of your mouth often but I know you’re thankful.
I vowed to care for you through sickness and health and to me Anxiety isn’t just a sickness but a disease in a sense. It just eats right through your thought process and you personally and sometimes I think it makes you feel so insecure. I also sometimes feel that it makes you feel unprotected at times even though you most definitely are.
But, I don’t know entirely what its like to have it as bad as you do and if I could suck it out of you and soak it into myself I would even if you wouldn’t wish it upon anyone else. Fact is though, your pain is my pain and it will be for the rest of our lives. We share the emotional circle here and we share the problems plus issues.
I just want you to know even if I don’t have candlelight dinners or walks on the beach or I can’t buy you new this or that’s or give you the “world” that I am going to try even harder to do whatever it takes to keep you happy or to make you smile throughout the day even if we argue once or twice.
Just remember that everything I do whether its work or things around the house or outside the house or whatever it may be. I do it for you because at the end of the day you and our daughter are my life. You both are my rocks and what keep me together when I am falling short. But when things are very grim you are solely what keeps me going and keeps me together.
I know you have a hard time explaining things…
Trust me I know you have a hard time explaining things because of your anxiety and sometimes just because things are not easily explainable. Believe me I know exactly how the second part of that feels. You have Anxiety and I have social issues at least that’s my thought on it. Fact is even if you poorly explain something I want you to know that’s completely fine.
I might sometimes jump the gun and get frustrated cause I don’t understand what you’re trying to explain or say to me but, eventually I get it. I have to figure it out in my head too. It’s kind of like a text message and how many times we’ve said that we can’t really tell what “emotion” is being used when we text because well it’s hard to interpret it.
So for that problem I found a work around and that’s using emoji’s! We can do that right? I think so. So lets do that! Either way I want you to realize that I understand you and I understand your explanations. Although sometimes it takes me more time than other times I will eventually get it and when I do you know it.
I have blonde moments, I won’t lie! But, realize this even if you have a hard time explaining something to me or whatever it may be. I love you nevertheless. I am here to listen to you and help you through things and I am here to take care of you and lift you up. I am also here to hear your explanations and give back the appropriate response and not the inappropriate one.
So keep trying and as you continue to try, you will get better. With time things get better and things get easier. I know you’ll get there sooner or later and you’ll have no trouble explaining this or that. You’ve got this, I believe in you Love. So just keep your head up and keep pushing forward.
In the back of your mind you think you’re a horrible wife and horrible mom…
Let me tell you something first and foremost, you’re not even close to a horrible mom and or horrible wife. You’re what I like to call the one I love unconditionally and that I treasure the most (including baby girl). You’re my wife and you’re not a horrible wife or mom. Matter of fact you always try to be the best you can be.
Sometimes you fall short but no one is here to judge you. I may question some methods you use when it comes to our daughter or with situations we face but, at the end of the day I end up understanding why you went about things the way you did. If anyone has kept it together more in a dire situation when things looked real shitty it’s you.
You lifted me up when I lost my final grandparent, you held me up through all the issues I had losing my aunt and my uncle. You kept me positive after my mom got sick and was diagnosed with something that could’ve hospitalized her or even killed her. You’re my wife and the only wife that I need to have for my lives entirety.
As for our daughter I mean look at the featured photo for this blog. She loves you more than anything in the world. If you tap her hands in discipline for her hitting, she knows your not doing it to hurt her. She knows its wrong and she throws a fit, eventually we might not have to tap her hands cause she won’t do it anymore and finally understand right from wrong.
Fact of the matter is our daughter is always going to look up to you more and more as she grows older. She’s going to look back one day when she is older and say “Mom remember that time when…” and you’ll think back and be like “Yes, I remember and I am glad that I did this and that because I am proud of how you turned out.” She is going to remember everything and hold it close to her.
She will hold her mother close to her for the rest of her life and when we’re dead and gone from this world she is going to live on and understand the moral values and lessons that we’ve taught and instilled to her. It’s a matter of time before we get older and she gets older and our future kids. But first before its too late…
Remember this always, I told you way back when walking through K-Mart when that was still a thing, and I told you that I wanted you to be my last relationship. Remember when I told you that? Well, remember when I told you I wanted this to be my first and last marriage and that I don’t want to end up like my older brother George? It’s true. I’m going to take a page out of your book and say this.
You’re stuck with me babe, and that’s through thick and thin. Through the good and bad, through hardships and struggles, through sickness and near death experiences. I need you to hear me out here, I am with you and I am not going anywhere anytime soon. That much I can tell you and assure you of.
You may believe and hear me out for today and maybe by tomorrow you forget what I wrote but at least this will be here for you to refer to if need be at any point in time. The fact of the matter is I love you to the moon and back, through the ups and downs, and till death do us part. You made me into a much more grown man than any other woman ever could.
You made me believe I could be a better father than what I was at the start when our daughter was born and I believe I have come a long way from where I was, thanks to you. You’ve come a long way yourself as well because for both of us, it wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows when problems arose.
Just remember that I love you always and Anxiety or no Anxiety you’re my rock and you’re my wife and you have everything right here in front of you. Hold on tight because our ride is going to get bumpy and we will flatten those bumps that they’ll turn into potholes. Hell we might even slip on some of that good ol’ invisible ice, who knows? Guess we’ll find out right? Right.
Thank you for being the best you can be right now for being the only and best one for me as a wife and as a mother to our beautiful baby girl. Keep believing in yourself like I believe in you and like our daughter does. You’re going to go far in life and you will make something even bigger of yourself. I am already proud of you. Just wait till further down the road and see how proud of you I am by then. I love you my dear wife, do not every forget that
With all the love of my being,